coming out, hormone, surgery, and other letters' Journal|
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coming out, hormone, surgery, and other letters' LiveJournal:
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|Tuesday, December 28th, 2010|
using the wrong name
As a background to this, I came out to my mom as transgender about a month ago but I'm sure she was suspecting it far prior to this. In the past year, she's been using (full gender-specific birth name (FGBN)) instead of (shortened non-gender-specific form of birth name (SN)) to refer to me far more often, and I do suspect she's been encouraging other family members to do the same based on what they have called me at family gatherings. I've preferred SN at least since I was in third grade ten years ago, and pretty much gotten called SN since then, even by teachers. The only thing I ever use FGBN for is Legal Stuff. Even when I'm ordering stuff online, I put SN as my billing address.
I've tried breaching this subject with Mom at a few different times, and she just says "Oh it's no big deal, it's your name." I want to tell her that yes, this is a big deal, and I would appreciate being called, if not Alison, at least SN. So this is the letter I'm going to send, and feedback would be very appreciated:( text of the letterCollapse )
Also, do you have any advice in this situation? My dad was writing a letter to my nephew for his first birthday, and he asked me to proofread it because English isn't his first language. In the letter he used the word "gentleperson" and I was like, "Dad, I'd use 'gentleman' here because 'gentleperson' is a stilted neologism and sounds icky." To which Dad replied, in not these exact words, "I'm just leaving open the possibility that he be like you."
What is that supposed to mean? Does it mean that dad knows because mom told him, because I sure as hell didn't tell dad.
xposted to transgender
|Sunday, April 18th, 2010|
Coming Out Letter to Brother-in-Law/Housemate
I'm coming out as FtM to R, my husband's brother with whom we live, and I've written a letter for him to read and then talk to us about. I'd love some feedback on it before I give it to him. Here's some background for you who don't know it:( Backstory and expositionCollapse )
This is probably the coming-out situation I'm most stressed about.
Anyway, here's the letter:( The letterCollapse )
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Any feedback is appreciated.
X-posted to my personal journal.
|Monday, April 5th, 2010|
|Friday, April 2nd, 2010|
|Friday, October 30th, 2009|
I am writing here because i have an almost nonexistent trans support system. While most of the people i hang around with know i am trans, they behave with me as male and the fact that i was assigned female at birth has not bothered them. I am also at blame for putting up a front. I have never wanted to be judged as trans but only as male. The only people i talk to is one friend and my partner. Both of which have their own problems currently. The only other person i talk to about my feelings is my mother. Unfortunately this is regarding her and i need a perspective from people i hope will understand.
On Wednesday, after 5 years of being out to myself as trans, i was prescribed T. I was so excited i came home and paid for and ordered the Testosterone immediately. Because i live with my brother and his wife. I felt it was about time i told them since they will be the first to see the changes.( Coming out to BrotherCollapse ) ( Letter to motherCollapse )
|Thursday, August 13th, 2009|
Getting to know me
I'm new to LJ. My name is Lucca Benoit. I'm a 19 y/o transman. I haven't started my journey on transitioning yet, but I still have to come out to my family about it. I don't know what to say to them, nor how to take the first step into doing this. I was wondering if any of you can help me out a bit. I'm really nervous as to coming out. I just hope that I can get some support. Current Mood: nervous
|Saturday, February 28th, 2009|
Pseudo-MTF: Any advice?
Alright, I'm going to try to make this as short and sweet as possible. No rambling, Ben!!
I'm a 21 y/o pansexual biomale, and I consider myself genderqueer. I've been wanting to start hormone therapy, but not to become a female/woman. What I'm most interested in is bridging the gap between man and woman, and to an extent, male and female. Right now, I'm very classically male-appearing. I've got a beard, relatively prominent jaw, plenty of body hair, and a masculine build. I'd like to transform into something that makes people think twice...that makes people double-take and have to ask my gender, to allow me to shape people's perceptions of me without society doing the bulk of it for me before I can even speak a word.
Ideally, I'd like feminine breasts and nipples and more of the feminine hourglass shape: no more boy tummy, just bigger girly thighs, hips, and ass. It'd also be nice if my body hair didn't grow as fast and thick, and from some of the research I've done, this is a realistic goal as well. From my little research I've learned that my beard will likely keep growing, which I'm alright with. I've been managing my facial hair for six years now, so that's something I've gotten used to, and it'll allow me to basically determine which gender I "pass" as more effectively depending on when I shave.
Of course, the one big catch in all of this: doctors are not likely to be helpful in this process unless I'm willing to go through the proper channels of changing my sex from male to female. As such, I've decided on a sort of under-the-table technique. I've spent the last two months losing weight and getting in top physical condition so that my body has a good starting point to work from. In a week I'm going to go get a physical and full set of blood work, especially to measure my hormone levels. Once I know where I'm at, a girl friend of mine is getting me some estrogen birth control, and I'm going to start taking very low doses of that. She'll be getting me two months worth, which is three weeks of estrogen, each week with a slightly higher dose, and then a week of sugar pills. My intention is to start off very slowly, taking a lowest-dose pill every other day, and then ramping it up until...well, that I'll have to see.
So, my questions are: do you have any general advice for me? Do you know any "mtf" (for lack of a better term) persons who aren't trying to pass as full-on women but are just wanting to become more feminine? Is it safe to take birth control as estrogen? Is there anything I'm missing here? I'll be appreciative of ANY responses, so lemme know!
|Thursday, February 26th, 2009|
New to this comm
I've written 2 letters. One is to my mother who I verbally came out to about a month ago, but I feel there is more to be said that she will not discuss with me. The second letter is to friends who I don't see very often. I will have other letters to write, but these are what I have right now. Tell me what you think please.
<lj-cut text="Mom's Letter">
I'm writing you this letter because this doesn't seem to be something you are willing to discuss with me in person. So in order to spare us both from getting upset, I thought this was the best way. I know that in the past month since I've told you about my desire to be male, everytime it's come up there has been tension. You knew that was the reason I cut my hair, the reason I was asking you about what names you liked, and the reason I've been looking for a binder. Once again, I don't ask that you support me in this, although it is appreciated, but only that you accept me the way I am.
This hasn't been an easy descision in the least. But I knew I could no longer lie to myself and pretend to completly comfortable in a way that I'm not. My descision also was in no way affected by my friends, gay, straight, or otherwise. This descision was made because I stopped and took a long hard look at my life and thought about what I want now and what I want in the future. Alot of transgendered individuals feel they were born into the wrong body. This is not entirely the case with me. I don't feel I was born into the wrong body but rather had I been born male I would've been better off. I have a longing to be a part of the gay community, as a male, not as a female observer. I don't want to date women, buzz my hair off, or walk-around looking like Billy Bob Lumberjack. I want to be the same as I am. A guy-loving, makeup wearing, singing, dancing, musical theatre persona. But I want to do all these things as a male. Being a female just feels wrong. I don't imagine myself this way. And while I love my friends and I am comfortable being myself around them, there is always someone there to remind me that I'm female. And I hate this.
I don't know if I'm making any sense. This is still a new and difficult process for me. But I hope you won't make it any harder. I intend to ask friends to start calling me by my chosen name, Nico. I will leave it up to you what you choose to call me. I won't even be insistant about the use of pronouns because I know it bothers you, but I do ask you don't say anything like, "You are a girl/woman/female" or anything like that. It makes me very uncomfortable.
For a while I felt like my life was sort of stuck in second gear, and somehow I feel with choosing to transition I am moving forward. In the not to distant future I would like to further pursue my transition and transition medically, and even get top surgery down the road. You know how much I hate my chest, they are a constant reminder of what I don't want to be, and they make me feel disgusting.
I hope you can accept me, male or female, and just love me as your child. If you can't, I understand, but please don't stop me from being who I want to be. (Old name), Nico, or anyone else.
<lj-cut text="Friends' Letter">
Dear (Name of Friend),
I know we don't see a lot of each other. I can't say when we will see each other next. But since you are a friend of mine and someone who comes in and out of my life I thought you should know about a few things.
It is not secret that I have always had a draw toward gay men. Most people write this off as typical straight woman behavior. But mine goes a step further. I have this draw toward gay men because I desire so much to be a gay man, and be a part of the gay community. I've decided that I am female-to-male transgendered. I've started asking friends to call me by my chosen male name, Nico. And refer to me with male pronouns. I realize this may be strange or difficult for some of you, you may not wish to associate with me anymore, and I regretably understand.
But I must be true to who I am, as I would expect anyone else to be. If you have any questions for me I will gladly answer them. Telling you was a difficult descision. But because you are people I respect, you deserved to know. I hope we can still be friends, and this will not change anything between us.
Any advice on writing letters to my extended family, dance instructor (who I have only know about 2 months), and a few closer friends would be appreciated.
|Tuesday, February 24th, 2009|
So close yet...
A response to this girl's Coming Out Letter
from an Uncle...
Here is my response to your e mail: Unless someone has walked a mile in another person's shoes they have no right to judge. In light of that statement B and I hold no judgement or contempt for you. We will NEVER turn our backs on you. You are blood and we love you no matter what decisions you've made. I will always be your uncle and she your aunt in-law.
I think it's safe for me to speak on behalf of this whole family when I say that we believe that life is precious. We've all had to learn this the hard way. Your life is more precious to us than the decisions you've made or even the way you feel about yourself.
I also don't believe that God is mad or condeming of you. He came to save this world not to condem it. I understand what it is like to do some "soul searching" or "finding yourself" in life. Some people have to try and raise a family on their own and some have to backpack through Europe! You're at an transitional stage in your life. I do pray though that as you do this "soul searching" that you would take sometime to ask God to reveal Himself to you and what His plan is for your life. You may be an atheist or worship a little frog hopping by but whatever the case may be I promise you that if you ask, with a genuine heart, He will show you who you are and answer all of your questions!
We love you......P, B, E, and I
And to answer your question yes he is always that religious...
Lilly A. Noodle, Defender of Toast
|Wednesday, January 14th, 2009|
Hi everyone, I'm new to this community. I plan to get a meta this summer and so obviously need letters. My therapists are willing to write me one, but have never written one before and so would like a template to go off of. They already have Dr. Meltzer's directions on what should go into the letter. I went through all the posts here and copied the SRS letters to give to them. I hope that was okay! Anyway, I want wondering if anyone else had such a letter or knew where to find one. Thank you for any and all help.
|Monday, November 3rd, 2008|
|Wednesday, August 20th, 2008|
Charge for T letter
I just found out that my therapist is charging me 125 bucks for the T letter he wrote me last month. Is this price outragous, or is it just me?
It took him a month to write the letter, and I still don't even have my own copy of it (he faxed it straight to my doc). I knew I was going to have to pay a fee, but he never told me it would be this much.
I just wanted to know if anyone else has had to pay this much. Also, anyone have any suggestions as to how I should approach him about this? I already wrote him an email saying I didn't realize it would be so much, and asked if this was the standard price. Current Mood: annoyed
|Wednesday, August 13th, 2008|
finally, first draft!
After 2 months of writer's block, I finally have my coming out letter to my grandmother written. I'm also going to be using an adapted version of this letter for the rest of my family. This letter doesn't really read like a lot of other coming out letters I've seen, but my Grandma isn't like any other I've ever met. She's in her 90s, but she doesn't show it. She lives by herself, she drives, and - perhaps most importantly for this venture - she has a gay son that she loves and accepts. So I guess I'm not looking for much critique of anything that I said "wrong", I mostly want to know if there's anything important that I left out. By the way, I've censored out a lot of identifying information, I hope it's not too much of a distraction.
( the letterCollapse )
I beg of you, please comment on the letter as a coming out letter, and don't bother quibbling with me over terminology. I know that a lot of people will disagree with the definitions I gave for the three different "trans-" words, but my research has revealed that, despite accepted clinical definitions, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of agreement over what the different terms mean, so I chose the definitions that would be easiest for my family to grasp, and more importantly would help them get a grip on what's happening in my life.
|Monday, July 28th, 2008|
So, I came out to my parents three years ago and it went terribly. I was excommunicated, taken back under circumstances that i attended exodus international, quit that like 3 weeks in because it was ridiculous and I was just doing it to buy time (whoops), and then essentially had to flee. So, as of this year my mother and I have been talking again on and off but never about anything to do with my being a trans man. Not to mention, at this point, I've been on T for almost 2 years and it shows. But we essentially have just been small-talking for the last 2 years, all while using non-preferred pronouns/name, but I've just been quiet about it for the most part except for a few instances which ended in massive arguments. My 5 sisters/brothers either strongly disagree or dont care, but wouldnt dare refer to me any other way than what my mother prefers. Same with my grandparents, who also live in the same house, although they've expressed that they don't know what to do as my mother would be angry. My stepfather freaked out on me once really hard when I first came out, but nothing since. Since my coming out they've become hardcore far right wing evangelists. I mean, they were always conservative and kind of easter/christmas christians but then I came along and everything went CRAZY.
Anyway, last week, in a moment of frustration and hope for some kind of understanding, I, via the telephone (since I live across the state), told my mother how it bothered me that we have essentially been tiptoeing around for the last 3 years and how I can come home now and we talk on the phone every day but I'm constantly having to put up with being called she and [legal "birth" name] while it is so clearly obvious that that isn't how I identify and how despite how much I want to come home and how much I love talking with her on the phone, that it all feels very contrived especially on her part. And I told her that it bothers me when she says that she loves me every time we get off the phone but that she wont even truly discuss these things with me. So she blows up and essentially says that she still thinks that I'm wrong and effed up and that I haven't even TRIED her way (ie, exodus) and then rambles off the same statistics that she has been rattling off to me for years which are horribly distorted and ones I'm sure you've heard before (ie. John Hopskin's blah blah suicide blah blah). And of course I try and tell her the real story of all these things and in this conversation tried again but then it turns to God and how I'm unnatural which again I could write a book on in response. However, it just seems like nothing is getting through. Everyone keeps telling me to wait it out and I've waited three years before really bringing it up again, aside from saying things like "I'd rather you not say that." or "please don't call me that" or "No kidding my room looks like a "guy's room"". So I mean, it isn't like I've even remotely been "hiding" who I am or what I've been doing whatsoever. I just try my best to ignore the things they say to me. So, back to the point: I waited three years. Brought it up. I'm essentially back to where we were 3 years ago. I haven't spoken with her in a week either because she hasn't answered the phone or because I just don't want to fall back into playing that "lets talk about the weather or anything else" game.
So, I guess, since she is so impossible to TALK to. I am wondering if maybe I should write a letter (I have considered making this extensive video piece... being that I suck at writing and video art is what I do anyway).
My question is... at this point... what do I say???
Thanks Current Mood: working
insight on coming out!! really important!
I just watched the most important film I’ve watched all year called Coming Out Stories. Its a documentary made by Logo, the LGBT channel, and it follows several different people as they come out to the most important people in their lives. I was really glad I saw it and finally understood what my sister went through. I found the DVD for rental from this site - http://www.logoonline.com/netflix. Current Mood: touched
|Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008|
Well, I liked the comments I got on my first post, and I've talked to some other friends online. Here is revision 2.
I am writing this to tell you about a problem I've been dealing with since childhood. For years I have attempted to deal with this problem unsuccessfully. It is to the point where it is causing me much anxiety, and you deserve to know. I cannot continue holding this in and hiding the issue. This is very difficult for me to write and tell you, but you need to know, because I love you. For all of my life I have had a gender issue. I have always hid the feelings hoping it would go away. I have always thought I should have been born female. I never wanted to be this way, I just want to be happy. I want to be happy for you, and for redacted and redacted. I am keeping this short intentionally, I just want to inform you of the problem I am having and why I have been noticeably bothered for the last few months. I am asking for your support to help me through this issue. Please feel free to ask me any questions you have.
Talking to my wife.
I've a LJ newb, so hopefully this works. I've known I had a gender issue since I was very young, and have held these feelings in for years I guess in hopes that it would go away or that i could deal with it. I'm now to the point where I can't really deal with it and have started seeing a therapist and am trying to move forward with happiness. I've been married for 3 years, have two daughters (2, and 4). I have a huge problem with confrontation, and some friends have recommended I write a letter and have my wife read it in my presence. Here is my attempt, please be kind.
I am writing this to tell you about a problem I've been dealing with since childhood. For years I have attempted to deal with this problem unsuccessfully. It is to the point where it is causing me much anxiety, and you deserve to know. I cannot continue holding this in and hiding the issue. This is very difficult for me to write and tell you, but you need to know, because I love you. For all of my life I have had a gender issue. I have always hid the feelings hoping it would go away. I have always thought I should have been born female. I never wanted to be this way, I just want to be happy. I want to be happy for you, and for redacted and redacted.
|Tuesday, May 13th, 2008|
Help! Need to write an SRS letter
I would really like to have the doctor that did my hysto write my letter to change the gender on my birth certificate and social security. I am not sure what this letter needs to say or how it needs to say that the purpose of my surgery was for 'sex reassignment.'
Also, does stating it that way going to be a problem because the reason for surgery is officially documented (for insurance purposes) as endometriosis?
If anyone has an example of their SRS letter, I would greatly appreciate being able to look at it. The surgeon's office said if I drafted a letter and faxed it over, they could put it on their letterhead and sign it, I'm just not sure what it should say.
PS I live in Wisconsin and the statute says I need to have a letter from an SRS surgeon stating that I've had SRS surgery...whatever that means!
|Saturday, April 19th, 2008|
Family Rections :-/
I've know that I was a transguy forever, but I've recently come out to my parents and friends.
I'm the oldest of 3 kids, a younger brother (18) and a younger sister (13). My sister is the one that I'm most worried about telling the family (including extended family). She looks up to me and does the same things I do, likes the same things I like etc. I told her last summer that I'm "gay" (although I feel like a straight boy) and she's totally fine with it and loves my girlfriend. I don't want to "let her down", on the other hand I feel like she'll be the most understanding of everyone.
(PS- I have a huge family, 24 aunts and uncles, and over 43 cousins... we're an extremely close family, but most of the aunts and uncles are very closed minded.)
As for my friends, they've all handled it well. I told them when I was in high school that I wanted to get SRS and so they knew it was a possibility. Now that it's something that is going to happen, they've all handled my "2nd coming out" rather well!
Does anyone have any advice for how to come out to my family or how to handle telling my sis? Or does anyone have any stories of how their family/friends Current Mood: anxious
|Thursday, April 17th, 2008|
CHAPTER 2: WHY?
Crossposting from my personal journal...
To celebrate the passing of a year of journal entries, I thought I would post the first draft completion of one of the chapters in my “Coming Out Book.” This book will essentially be a really long coming out letter that I'll give to someone after I talk to them about my transsexualism. The idea is to educate them before they type "transsexual" into Google and to cover as many questions as possible.
When we tell a friend, the first question that will most likely leave their lips is, “Why?” This chapter focuses on that question. It is a summary chapter, so it’s short (3 pages) and doesn’t get into too much science. Chapters following will go into more detail. It follows the Chapter on definitions and if followed by a chapter addressing our friends’ probable feelings.
Note that I haven’t standardized the footnotes yet, so please don’t criticize how I’m citing my sources. Once I get the bulk of the book done, I’ll go through all the footnotes at the same time and standardize them as well as gather additional information that may not be currently included.
What I would greatly appreciate is constructive comments on how I can improve the chapter, including better ways that of how I can explain why.
Chapter 2: Why is Steve Doing This?