Nico (flamingartistry) wrote in transletters,
Nico
flamingartistry
transletters

New to this comm

I've written 2 letters.  One is to my mother who I verbally came out to about a month ago, but I feel there is more to be said that she will not discuss with me. The second letter is to friends who I don't see very often. I will have other letters to write, but these are what I have right now. Tell me what you think please.

<lj-cut text="Mom's Letter">

Dear Mom,

I'm writing you this letter because this doesn't seem to be something you are willing to discuss with me in person. So in order to spare us both from getting upset, I thought this was the best way. I know that in the past month since I've told you about my desire to be male, everytime it's come up there has been tension. You knew that was the reason I cut my hair, the reason I was asking you about what names you liked, and the reason I've been looking for a binder. Once again, I don't ask that you support me in this, although it is appreciated, but only that you accept me the way I am.

This hasn't been an easy descision in the least. But I knew I could no longer lie to myself and pretend to completly comfortable in a way that I'm not. My descision also was in no way affected by my friends, gay, straight, or otherwise. This descision was made because I stopped and took a long hard look at my life and thought about what I want now and what I want in the future. Alot of transgendered individuals feel they were born into the wrong body. This is not entirely the case with me. I don't feel I was born into the wrong body but rather had I been born male I would've been better off. I have a longing to be a part of the gay community, as a male, not as a female observer. I don't want to date women, buzz my hair off, or walk-around looking like Billy Bob Lumberjack. I want to be the same as I am. A guy-loving, makeup wearing, singing, dancing, musical theatre persona. But I want to do all these things as a male. Being a female just feels wrong. I don't imagine myself this way. And while I love my friends and I am comfortable being myself around them, there is always someone there to remind me that I'm female. And I hate this.

I don't know if I'm making any sense. This is still a new and difficult process for me. But I hope you won't make it any harder. I intend to ask friends to start calling me by my chosen name, Nico. I will leave it up to you what you choose to call me. I won't even be insistant about the use of pronouns because I know it bothers you, but I do ask you don't say anything like, "You are a girl/woman/female" or anything like that. It makes me very uncomfortable.

For a while I felt like my life was sort of stuck in second gear, and somehow I feel with choosing to transition I am moving forward. In the not to distant future I would like to further pursue my transition and transition medically, and even get top surgery down the road. You know how much I hate my chest, they are a constant reminder of what I don't want to be, and they make me feel disgusting.

I hope you can accept me, male or female, and just love me as your child. If you can't, I understand, but please don't stop me from being who I want to be. (Old name), Nico, or anyone else.

Sincerly,
Nico

</lj-cut>

<lj-cut text="Friends' Letter">

Dear (Name of Friend),

I know we don't see a lot of each other. I can't say when we will see each other next. But since you are a friend of mine and someone who comes in and out of my life I thought you should know about a few things.

It is not secret that I have always had a draw toward gay men. Most people write this off as typical straight woman behavior. But mine goes a step further. I have this draw toward gay men because I desire so much to be a gay man, and be a part of the gay community. I've decided that I am female-to-male transgendered. I've started asking friends to call me by my chosen male name, Nico. And refer to me with male pronouns. I realize this may be strange or difficult for some of you, you may not wish to associate with me anymore, and I regretably understand.

But I must be true to who I am, as I would expect anyone else to be. If you have any questions for me I will gladly answer them. Telling you was a difficult descision. But because you are people I respect, you deserved to know. I hope we can still be friends, and this will not change anything between us.

Sincerly,
(Old name),
Nico

</lj-cut>

Any advice on writing letters to my extended family, dance instructor (who I have only know about 2 months), and a few closer friends would be appreciated.

~Nico
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