I'm a 21 y/o pansexual biomale, and I consider myself genderqueer. I've been wanting to start hormone therapy, but not to become a female/woman. What I'm most interested in is bridging the gap between man and woman, and to an extent, male and female. Right now, I'm very classically male-appearing. I've got a beard, relatively prominent jaw, plenty of body hair, and a masculine build. I'd like to transform into something that makes people think twice...that makes people double-take and have to ask my gender, to allow me to shape people's perceptions of me without society doing the bulk of it for me before I can even speak a word.
Ideally, I'd like feminine breasts and nipples and more of the feminine hourglass shape: no more boy tummy, just bigger girly thighs, hips, and ass. It'd also be nice if my body hair didn't grow as fast and thick, and from some of the research I've done, this is a realistic goal as well. From my little research I've learned that my beard will likely keep growing, which I'm alright with. I've been managing my facial hair for six years now, so that's something I've gotten used to, and it'll allow me to basically determine which gender I "pass" as more effectively depending on when I shave.
Of course, the one big catch in all of this: doctors are not likely to be helpful in this process unless I'm willing to go through the proper channels of changing my sex from male to female. As such, I've decided on a sort of under-the-table technique. I've spent the last two months losing weight and getting in top physical condition so that my body has a good starting point to work from. In a week I'm going to go get a physical and full set of blood work, especially to measure my hormone levels. Once I know where I'm at, a girl friend of mine is getting me some estrogen birth control, and I'm going to start taking very low doses of that. She'll be getting me two months worth, which is three weeks of estrogen, each week with a slightly higher dose, and then a week of sugar pills. My intention is to start off very slowly, taking a lowest-dose pill every other day, and then ramping it up until...well, that I'll have to see.
So, my questions are: do you have any general advice for me? Do you know any "mtf" (for lack of a better term) persons who aren't trying to pass as full-on women but are just wanting to become more feminine? Is it safe to take birth control as estrogen? Is there anything I'm missing here? I'll be appreciative of ANY responses, so lemme know!