using the wrong name

As a background to this, I came out to my mom as transgender about a month ago but I'm sure she was suspecting it far prior to this. In the past year, she's been using (full gender-specific birth name (FGBN)) instead of (shortened non-gender-specific form of birth name (SN)) to refer to me far more often, and I do suspect she's been encouraging other family members to do the same based on what they have called me at family gatherings. I've preferred SN at least since I was in third grade ten years ago, and pretty much gotten called SN since then, even by teachers. The only thing I ever use FGBN for is Legal Stuff. Even when I'm ordering stuff online, I put SN as my billing address.
I've tried breaching this subject with Mom at a few different times, and she just says "Oh it's no big deal, it's your name." I want to tell her that yes, this is a big deal, and I would appreciate being called, if not Alison, at least SN. So this is the letter I'm going to send, and feedback would be very appreciated:

text of the letterCollapse )

Also, do you have any advice in this situation? My dad was writing a letter to my nephew for his first birthday, and he asked me to proofread it because English isn't his first language. In the letter he used the word "gentleperson" and I was like, "Dad, I'd use 'gentleman' here because 'gentleperson' is a stilted neologism and sounds icky." To which Dad replied, in not these exact words, "I'm just leaving open the possibility that he be like you."
What is that supposed to mean? Does it mean that dad knows because mom told him, because I sure as hell didn't tell dad.

xposted to transgender
geek poetry

Coming Out Letter to Brother-in-Law/Housemate

I'm coming out as FtM to R, my husband's brother with whom we live, and I've written a letter for him to read and then talk to us about. I'd love some feedback on it before I give it to him. Here's some background for you who don't know it:

Backstory and expositionCollapse )

This is probably the coming-out situation I'm most stressed about.

Anyway, here's the letter:

The letterCollapse )

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Any feedback is appreciated.

X-posted to my personal journal.

Coming out

I am writing here because i have an almost nonexistent trans support system. While most of the people i hang around with know i am trans, they behave with me as male and the fact that i was assigned female at birth has not bothered them. I am also at blame for putting up a front. I have never wanted to be judged as trans but only as male. The only people i talk to is one friend and my partner. Both of which have their own problems currently. The only other person i talk to about my feelings is my mother. Unfortunately this is regarding her and i need a perspective from people i hope will understand.

On Wednesday, after 5 years of being out to myself as trans, i was prescribed T. I was so excited i came home and paid for and ordered the Testosterone immediately. Because i live with my brother and his wife. I felt it was about time i told them since they will be the first to see the changes.

Coming out to BrotherCollapse )

Letter to motherCollapse )

Thank You

Getting to know me

Hello everyone,

     I'm new to LJ. My name is Lucca Benoit. I'm a 19 y/o transman. I haven't started my journey on transitioning yet, but I still have to come out to my family about it. I don't know what to say to them, nor how to take the first step into doing this. I was wondering if any of you can help me out a bit. I'm really nervous as to coming out. I just hope that I can get some support.
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    nervous nervous

Pseudo-MTF: Any advice?

 Alright, I'm going to try to make this as short and sweet as possible. No rambling, Ben!!

I'm a 21 y/o pansexual biomale, and I consider myself genderqueer. I've been wanting to start hormone therapy, but not to become a female/woman. What I'm most interested in is bridging the gap between man and woman, and to an extent, male and female. Right now, I'm very classically male-appearing. I've got a beard, relatively prominent jaw, plenty of body hair, and a masculine build. I'd like to transform into something that makes people think twice...that makes people double-take and have to ask my gender, to allow me to shape people's perceptions of me without society doing the bulk of it for me before I can even speak a word.

Ideally, I'd like feminine breasts and nipples and more of the feminine hourglass shape: no more boy tummy, just bigger girly thighs, hips, and ass. It'd also be nice if my body hair didn't grow as fast and thick, and from some of the research I've done, this is a realistic goal as well. From my little research I've learned that my beard will likely keep growing, which I'm alright with. I've been managing my facial hair for six years now, so that's something I've gotten used to, and it'll allow me to basically determine which gender I "pass" as more effectively depending on when I shave.

Of course, the one big catch in all of this: doctors are not likely to be helpful in this process unless I'm willing to go through the proper channels of changing my sex from male to female. As such, I've decided on a sort of under-the-table technique. I've spent the last two months losing weight and getting in top physical condition so that my body has a good starting point to work from. In a week I'm going to go get a physical and full set of blood work, especially to measure my hormone levels. Once I know where I'm at, a girl friend of mine is getting me some estrogen birth control, and I'm going to start taking very low doses of that. She'll be getting me two months worth, which is three weeks of estrogen, each week with a slightly higher dose, and then a week of sugar pills. My intention is to start off very slowly, taking a lowest-dose pill every other day, and then ramping it up until...well, that I'll have to see.

So, my questions are: do you have any general advice for me? Do you know any "mtf" (for lack of a better term) persons who aren't trying to pass as full-on women but are just wanting to become more feminine? Is it safe to take birth control as estrogen? Is there anything I'm missing here? I'll be appreciative of ANY responses, so lemme know!


New to this comm

I've written 2 letters.  One is to my mother who I verbally came out to about a month ago, but I feel there is more to be said that she will not discuss with me. The second letter is to friends who I don't see very often. I will have other letters to write, but these are what I have right now. Tell me what you think please.

<lj-cut text="Mom's Letter">

Dear Mom,

I'm writing you this letter because this doesn't seem to be something you are willing to discuss with me in person. So in order to spare us both from getting upset, I thought this was the best way. I know that in the past month since I've told you about my desire to be male, everytime it's come up there has been tension. You knew that was the reason I cut my hair, the reason I was asking you about what names you liked, and the reason I've been looking for a binder. Once again, I don't ask that you support me in this, although it is appreciated, but only that you accept me the way I am.

This hasn't been an easy descision in the least. But I knew I could no longer lie to myself and pretend to completly comfortable in a way that I'm not. My descision also was in no way affected by my friends, gay, straight, or otherwise. This descision was made because I stopped and took a long hard look at my life and thought about what I want now and what I want in the future. Alot of transgendered individuals feel they were born into the wrong body. This is not entirely the case with me. I don't feel I was born into the wrong body but rather had I been born male I would've been better off. I have a longing to be a part of the gay community, as a male, not as a female observer. I don't want to date women, buzz my hair off, or walk-around looking like Billy Bob Lumberjack. I want to be the same as I am. A guy-loving, makeup wearing, singing, dancing, musical theatre persona. But I want to do all these things as a male. Being a female just feels wrong. I don't imagine myself this way. And while I love my friends and I am comfortable being myself around them, there is always someone there to remind me that I'm female. And I hate this.

I don't know if I'm making any sense. This is still a new and difficult process for me. But I hope you won't make it any harder. I intend to ask friends to start calling me by my chosen name, Nico. I will leave it up to you what you choose to call me. I won't even be insistant about the use of pronouns because I know it bothers you, but I do ask you don't say anything like, "You are a girl/woman/female" or anything like that. It makes me very uncomfortable.

For a while I felt like my life was sort of stuck in second gear, and somehow I feel with choosing to transition I am moving forward. In the not to distant future I would like to further pursue my transition and transition medically, and even get top surgery down the road. You know how much I hate my chest, they are a constant reminder of what I don't want to be, and they make me feel disgusting.

I hope you can accept me, male or female, and just love me as your child. If you can't, I understand, but please don't stop me from being who I want to be. (Old name), Nico, or anyone else.



<lj-cut text="Friends' Letter">

Dear (Name of Friend),

I know we don't see a lot of each other. I can't say when we will see each other next. But since you are a friend of mine and someone who comes in and out of my life I thought you should know about a few things.

It is not secret that I have always had a draw toward gay men. Most people write this off as typical straight woman behavior. But mine goes a step further. I have this draw toward gay men because I desire so much to be a gay man, and be a part of the gay community. I've decided that I am female-to-male transgendered. I've started asking friends to call me by my chosen male name, Nico. And refer to me with male pronouns. I realize this may be strange or difficult for some of you, you may not wish to associate with me anymore, and I regretably understand.

But I must be true to who I am, as I would expect anyone else to be. If you have any questions for me I will gladly answer them. Telling you was a difficult descision. But because you are people I respect, you deserved to know. I hope we can still be friends, and this will not change anything between us.

(Old name),


Any advice on writing letters to my extended family, dance instructor (who I have only know about 2 months), and a few closer friends would be appreciated.


So close yet...

A response to this girl's Coming Out Letter from an Uncle...

[old Name],
Here is my response to your e mail: Unless someone has walked a mile in another person's shoes they have no right to judge. In light of that statement B and I hold no judgement or contempt for you. We will NEVER turn our backs on you. You are blood and we love you no matter what decisions you've made. I will always be your uncle and she your aunt in-law.

I think it's safe for me to speak on behalf of this whole family when I say that we believe that life is precious. We've all had to learn this the hard way. Your life is more precious to us than the decisions you've made or even the way you feel about yourself.

I also don't believe that God is mad or condeming of you. He came to save this world not to condem it. I understand what it is like to do some "soul searching" or "finding yourself" in life. Some people have to try and raise a family on their own and some have to backpack through Europe! You're at an transitional stage in your life. I do pray though that as you do this "soul searching" that you would take sometime to ask God to reveal Himself to you and what His plan is for your life. You may be an atheist or worship a little frog hopping by but whatever the case may be I promise you that if you ask, with a genuine heart, He will show you who you are and answer all of your questions!

We love you......P, B, E, and I

And to answer your question yes he is always that religious...

Lilly A. Noodle, Defender of Toast

meta letter

Hi everyone, I'm new to this community. I plan to get a meta this summer and so obviously need letters. My therapists are willing to write me one, but have never written one before and so would like a template to go off of. They already have Dr. Meltzer's directions on what should go into the letter. I went through all the posts here and copied the SRS letters to give to them. I hope that was okay! Anyway, I want wondering if anyone else had such a letter or knew where to find one. Thank you for any and all help.